The Malaysian Insight

AS the government mulls mandating a premarital course for non-Muslims due to the rising divorce rate, experts are divided on whether such measures could make a difference.

They said though Western studies have shown such courses to be helpful, it is not the solution for the growing divorce rate.

David Ling Kea Chai, a pastor with 15 years of experience teaching premarital courses, said according to Western statistics, premarital courses can lower divorce rates.

“We often say the more you know (the other person) before marriage, the less conflicts (you will have) after marriage.

“Premarital courses will not only teach the purpose of marriage, but also let the two take simple psychological tests to understand (each other’s) personality patterns and love languages,” Ling told The Malaysian Insight.

Ling said he designed a course for engaged couples that covered strengthening the relationship, stimulating effective communication skills, learning about marriage, and educating couples in family building and wedding planning.

He said each couple gets married for different reasons, and missing out on premarital classes could put them on a false start.

“Chinese culture pressures men and women to marry. Some people may be forced to marry by their parents. This could lead to marital trauma.

“There are also some people who get married as a way to escape their unhappy families. When a person enters a marriage against this backdrop, they will repeat the pattern in their own family,” Ling said.

He said without premarital education and guidance, it would be difficult to sustain the marriages in the above examples.

On March 27, Deputy Women, Family and Community Development Minister Aiman Athirah Sabu said the ministry is drafting a proposal to establish a committee to study the feasibility of mandating premarital courses for non-Muslim couples.

She said the committee would propose suitable programmes to be presented to the cabinet in the near future.

Data on non-Muslim divorces in Malaysia show 13,504 couples divorced in 2019, 10,693 in 2020, 13,163 in 2021, and 14,502 last year.

Lawyer Ong Soo Lee said premarital courses would only help certain groups of people.

She said in the past, most divorces were initiated by men, but now the number of divorces filed by men and women are fairly even.

“Nowadays, women are more educated and financially capable, so they are no longer passive in marriage.

“Once family disharmony, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law disputes, and so on happen, it becomes easy for them (women) to make (divorce) decisions. After all, they are financially independent, have children and have the ability to raise them.

“Whether mandatory pre-marriage courses are helpful to the divorce rate, I think it depends on the situation. If it is a couple that was married after graduating middle school, maybe (the course) would be helpful, but for high-level intellectuals, I think it won’t help much because they know their rights,” she said.

Ong, who is also Kuala Lumpur and Selangor Chinese Association Hall women’s head, believes divorce is an inevitable effect of social progress.

She said if the government wants to lower the divorce rate, it should focus more on other welfare measures, such as reducing childcare costs.

“The government encourages women to return to work and (put) their children in childcare centres, but the cost is so high that every family faces heavy financial pressure.

“If that financial burden can be reduced, women will also be able to take care of the family while also taking care of their children.”

Cathrine Chia, who works at a premarital course centre in Kuching, Sarawak, believes enrolling in premarital courses does not guarantee a happy marriage.

She said these courses educate couples on organising marriage and family.

“Let them understand their respective responsibilities and roles after entering the marriage to reduce the friction (in the) marriage, thereby reducing the divorce rate.

“In the course, you can also learn effective communication, how to deal with each other’s conflicts, and understand each other’s differences,” Chia said.

“The premarital course will teach couples to understand the values of marriage, because the values of society are different now and it doesn’t value marriage very much. If they feel compatible, they will attend, and if they don’t, they won’t,” Chia said.

She said during wedding season, more couples sign up for premarital courses. 

“Everyone’s acceptance of the premarital course is quite high. Some family members or friends (of those looking to marry) have taken it, and encourage people around them to sign up,” she said. – April 9, 2023.